An Inside Look at Me

When life takes you on a journey, it’s good to come back home to the life you left behind.  These next three days will be a mixture of the new life I live and the old one that I’m leaving behind but haven’t forgotten.  It’s good to come back home, but when I’m back, I’m no longer dwelling on my past or past times here; I’m using what I’ve learned while being away, and changing how I felt about these people and my life away from college.  I’ve learned so much this year, and I’m realizing I’m so much better as a person.  It’s time for people back at home to see how much I’ve changed and grown.

I used to hate the unavoidable question of “describe yourself in one word” because its so broad, but now if I was asked the same question I’d say “determined” because no matter how hard life gets, how bad the odds are against me, or how dim a situation might seem, when I set my mind to something, anything, I achieve my goals.  Determination goes hand-in-hand with effort, and anybody who knows me well knows that I give my full effort into everything I do.  I set high expectations and high goals for myself BECAUSE I know with my determination, I can achieve and fulfill these aspirations.  So if I’m ever asked this again, I’d say I’m the most determined individual I know.

“Watch your thoughts, for they become words.
Watch your words, for they become actions.
Watch your actions, for they become habits.
Watch your habits, for they become character.
Watch your character, for it becomes your destiny.”

And following this quote has helped shape me, my thoughts, and my actions.

Anonymous asked: hey, thanks for being so open on here. I really enjoy reading your stuff.

Oh thanks! :D Yeah, when I first started writing on here, it was more rant-ish but also kind of strange because I’ve never done a blog before, but I’ve realized that it’s a good place to put what I’m feeling and such without being too crazy. I’m glad people don’t think I’m too crazy, because many times when I write things on here, it’s from pure, genuine feelings or thoughts, not really composed. Anyway, thanks! :D

And you were really nice and fun to talk with that night.  I know we didn’t talk for extremely long, but I enjoyed it.  You were just sitting there and me being me, I was shy as usual.  I think the first thing I noticed was your smile; you have such an amazing smile.  It was weird because as we talked, it felt like you were someone so familiar to me, and yet I had just met you.  I don’t believe in love at first sight, but wow, you definitely caught my eye and attention, and it’s weird that I’ve been thinking about you even though we barely know each other.  Hmm, I wonder if I’ll get to see you again, I really hope so, but I guess for now, I’ll admire you from afar.  I wonder if I had any impact on you, like you had on me.  Maybe I’m just foolish or silly, and maybe you haven’t thought about me, but I’ve definitely thought about you. Is it weird to have feelings for someone you barely met? Maybe it was because I found you really attractive, but then again, I really liked your personality as well. Well here’s hoping to seeing you again, because I have only just met you.

So it took a little while, but I think I’ve finally started to embrace people here at Irvine and I think people are starting to figure me out too.  I really feel so lucky right now to have so many awesome people in my life.

Of course I’ll always have my friends at home.  They are there for when I need them, when I come home, during those long summer nights, and winter breaks, for picking up a conversation midway through and feeling like I can pick up right where I left off.

But now I’m really starting to embrace people in Irvine and it’s really great.

Friends just in general, from last year, classes, and friends of friends.  It’s been great getting to know them and feeling comfortable talking with them.  From my roommates this year to classmates, it’s good to know I have people here I can just have a good conversation with.

Peoples in MIX too, like seriously.  Every week I get to see these awesome people, but whereas before it was just more of a weekly thing, now we are hanging out more often, not just on meeting days, and I’m feeling like I’m a part of something.  It’s good just to feel like, hey I’m included in something, and people think of me when inviting.

And Hawaii Club. It’s funny because I like to think I’m kind of aloof and quiet but they are so welcoming and they make me feel so secure and at home.  They know the Aloha Spirit, and after lu’au this weekend and the after party, it felt so good to be involved with these guys even though I don’t always get to spend tons of time with them. Seriously, everyone is so nice and willing to have a conservation with me, and I am looking forward to Vegas so much, you have no idea. I’m also looking forward to possibly having a position on board next year.

I think a big part of it has been that my mindset has changed.  I feel like I’m an integral part in my groups of friends.  I don’t strive for attention, but I do like being helpful and contributing any way possible. And the other thing is that I feel like people understand who I am as a person.  From realizing that I’m waiting until I’m 21 to drink to just my laid-back, loyal, helpful nature, I think people understand me, and that makes me more willing to open up to them. 

I am so blessed to have so many amazing people in my life, and I can’t wait to develop all these friendships even more.  Friends will always be there for you, and right now I couldn’t be happier with how they are. [:

and I’m barely keeping up.  I guess it’s good that I’m busy, that I have a routine, and that it’s getting closer and closer to summer, but I have so much left to do, so much stuff going on.  But as the weeks pass on by, I’d like to take a step back from this whirlwind, take a breather.  I need something exciting, something different, something new, but for now, I’ll just keep plugging along, but maybe something or someone will surprise me and hopefully it happens soon.